Sunday, May 02, 2010

Mountain Brew Beer Ice: Stewart's Sauced Sports Beverage

Last week as I was waiting for softball practice to begin, I received a text message from my friend Ben. The text contained the following picture and the simple caption "Mt brew."
Needless to say, I was intrigued. I showed my roommate and we vowed right there on the softball field to procure some of this mythic brew... er... Mountain Brew. As soon as our grueling softball practice ended 45 minutes later we jumped in our respective cars and headed out to different Stewart's Shops to try and find this novelty beer. We were both successful in our quests.

We each came home with a case. How could we not? A 6-pack was priced at $2.99 with a "case" (really just a flat as seen in the picture) going for $10.99. Stewart's was selling these for less than Beast. I mean, this beer was CHEAP. We would have basically been setting our money on fire and throwing the ashes out the window if we hadn't bought that much.

Later that night, I took this picture and sent it to my friend who loves cheap Stewart's beer. My friend joined a branch of the military and hasn't had a drink in months. Back when he was a lowly civilian, he would always buy a cheap 6 or 12-pack at Stewart's on the way over to my house. His response confirmed my suspicion.

"O my God. That is awesome!"
As you can see, the can uses the classic Stewart's lettering. Was Stewart's following the lead of 7-Eleven and commissioning their very own brew? I had to find out so I went to the internet. Surprisingly, I found very little information. In fact, the only thing I could find was a result on a Phish message board. That post had a link to the only (previously) known picture of Mountain Brew Beer Ice on the internet.

As that post notes, the beer is brewed by Genesee Brewing Company. Since there is no mention of it anywhere, I'm guessing this is like the ice situation at Stewart's. Maplewood Ice is the exclusive provider of ice for Stewart's so they started putting ice for Stewart's in special bags. Same goes for a lot of products in Stewart's. Same product, different packaging. Your welcome for the free lesson in Business 101. Next lesson will cost you a can of Mountain Brew Beer Ice. ($0.75)

Now that we've got all that covered, I think we can assume that Mountain Brew Beer Ice is nothing more than Genesee Ice in a Stewart's-ified can!

While that might not be the most appetizing thing in the world, it doesn't take away from the awesomeness of the packaging and absurd pricing. For people in upstate New York and anywhere else a Stewart's is present, this is the new ultimate ironic beer. It's a regional PBR. (I'm sorry, does Utica Club already hold that crown?)

The fact that the tiny stick figures on the bottom of the can are playing various sports really pushes it over the top. This is the cheap beer for the athlete in your life. The figures depict the following sports - volleyball, boxing, fishing, baseball, golf, basketball, soccer, volleyball, boxing and bowling.

Why are volleyball and boxing shown twice? I suppose one of the bowling guys could be into MMA, but that just leaves two volleyball characters which makes even less sense. These are the questions I don't want to have to answer.

So what's the final verdict? It's a cheap, cheap beer and you get what you pay for. Will there ever be a Mountain Brew sans ice? (I haven't even mentioned the fact that this is called MOUNTAIN BREW!) Perhaps a Mountain Brew Beer Cream Ale? Who knows.

What I can tell you is that the first thing I said when I cracked open my first can was "it smells like cigarette ash." Of course, for $2.99 a sixer you can get past that. You don't really taste anything after your first Mountain Brew Beer Ice anyway.

Thursday, December 03, 2009

The Most Important Event In Television History

Tonight is the premiere of MTV's Jersey Shore. This is the television show I didn't know I've been waiting for since I first met Tommy back in college. Sure, I never actually met him, but I met him and his friends and immediately fell in love in a completely hetero way.

Originally airing on November 20, 2003, I Have a Summer Share is unquestionably the greatest episode of True Life ever made. Whenever it came on MTV back in college, we had to watch it. It was too bad (in a really good way) to turn away.

Eventually, the episode went away. It became our white whale. Capturing it on my DVR was my roommate and my ultimate goal for years. At one point, it seemed like it was lost forever, but on December 13th of 2008, fate intervened. My girlfriend and I got up really early on a Saturday so we could drive to New York City for a holiday party with some friends. I woke up at 6am and turned on the television. For some reason I flipped over to MTV and there was Tommy in all his glory. It was like seeing an old friend.

And now tonight, a new cast of jerkoffs enter our lives. I know deep down that it won't be as magical or special as the original, but I'm sure I'll enjoy every moment of it.

Note: I don't care if this post sits here for 3 months (which it probably will). I Have A Summer Share is right up there with Poak Chops as far as I'm concerned.