FROM. Mr DANKO SALAM Who?
ACCOUNTING OFFICER IN FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPT. Ooooh....
BANK OF AFRICAN OUAGADOUGOU Gudzumtight. BURKINA FASO . Sounds so real thus far.
All the pleasure is mine Great grammar asshole to write this message to you in order to request your invaluable partnership for the realization of a very important transaction which must be treated with great discretion. Run on sentence much fuck-o? Discretion, eh? Sounds important! And super secret!
I ask of you from this very begining to excuses me for all the inconveniences Lets's Uses, pluralizes everythings! which my mail may cause you; all the same though we do not know each other personally Are you shitting me? We don't know each other? and we have never meet before. So you're saying we don't know each other and we've never met? You're blowing my mind, Danko. I believe firmly that a true confidence can be born from our communication If you're going to scam someone, maybe step up the translator from Babelfish and thus support a true partnership between you and I. Are you hitting on me? I'm flattered...
I am audit manager, in foreign remittance department Sounds pretty official here in Bank of Africa Ouagadougou Burkina Faso; That's where I make my car payments. I have been working in this banking institution for the pass Nice one Grossman 14 years. That's a career!
It was during my investigation You're a detective now? in the bank I discover Is this happening right now? that the deceased customer What deceased customer? I didn't even know anyone died. This is quite a bombshell. Deposited the sum of $29,850,000 dollar (Twenty Nine Million Eight Hundred An Fifty Thousand Dollars) Thanks for the clarification. I get real confused by numbers that big. and I notice in the file that during the deposition of this money Is the money testifying? with the Bank he did not indicate is true next of kin to the board of directors in is Paper work with the bank of Africa here in Burkina Faso west Africa. What the fuck happened to Ouagadougou? Now we're in west Africa?
After all intensive routing Investigation Slow the fuck down Sherlock. I find out that no body has ever come to put claim over the released of this money, Well why didn't you just say no body has ever come to put claim over the released of this money? I would have already called you. it is upon this I am now seizing the privilege and opportunity to contact you as to apply to the bank as a business associate to the deceased customer Mr Martin J. Hillenbrand. Wow, you're giving me the opportunity to go into business with a dead man that I've never met who is...er was related to me? Oh, Uncle Marty! My father's never spoken-of brother who fled to west Africa with his untold fortunes! I always wondered what happened to him. Shouldn't my father be contacted? Oh, right he doesn't have an e-mail account.
As a foreign partner which this money will be transfer into your account, you Are entitle to 40% of the total money why 55% will be for me Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold the fuck on for a second. My cut is 40% and you get 55%? Where the fuck are you getting those numbers? I think you had best take another look at your books, buddy. You think I'm taking less than half? as the moderator of this transaction Oh! Well why didn't you say so! I totally forgot you were the moderator of this here transaction. Of course you should be entitled to 55% since you're playing business match-maker with me and a dead guy. and 5% is been mapped out for measeallanouse Not even close to the correct spelling. Though figuring out that miscellaneous starts with an 'M' is pretty good. expenditure that may be incur during the course of this transaction Of course there should be a couple million dollars set aside for miscellaneous expenditure that may be incur[red].
PROFILES OF THE DECEASED CUSTOMER Oooh good, a profile!
Mr Martin J. Hillenbrand. That was his name - don't wear it out!
The late customer Martin J. Hillenbrand he death on Friday July 5, 2003 Jesus Christ! What have you been doing for the last 4 years? I'm in the book for fuck's sake. at Commemorative Centre of Cancer of a Crisis Cardiac Commemorative! Cancer! Crisis! Cardiac! This all sounds very serious! here in OUAGADOUGOU BURKINA FASO. So now we're back in OUAGADOUGOU?
Appointee: Foreign Service officer.
Title: ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary. Titles generally start with a capital letter jerk-off.
Appointment: May 1, 1972 and Presentation of Credentials: Jun 27, 1972 Termination of Mission: Left post, Oct 18, 1976. Who is that supposed to be? What? Now, I'm lost.
The Late Ambassador becomes Businessestacom What the fuck does that mean? in his Country and here in Ouagadougou BURKINA FASO WEST AFRICA. NOW WE'RE STARTING TO SHOUT!
I will urge you to go through this proposal properly Of course. and let me know if you are willing to accord me this assistance for us to achieved I feel like this might be the beginning of a beautifully constructed run on sentence that goes from here to there without so much as a semblance of order you know what I mean? this golden opportunity for the betterment of our life, Our life? Look pal, we may be business partners profiting off a dead man's inability to complete paper work while living, but we are not moving in together. I also want to let you know that this transaction is 100% risk free Of course it's risk free. there is nothing for you to be afraid off, I ain't never scrared. Except of snakes. And spiders. And loopholes. all loopholes Ahh! have been properly taking care Phew! before contacting you. Thank God, I hate loopholes.
Anxiously waiting for your prompt response. I'll get to you as soon as I clear my schedule for my trip to Africa.
Yours faithfully Good to know, fag
Danko Salam. Always good to end with a period. Good show old friend. I think I might name my fantasy football team after you.