Christmas Gift Reviews

Yeah, I got a new haircut Friday* before I went home for Christmas to get sweet presents. Here's a list of some of the stuff I got as well as some selected other gifts that friends or family received and my reviews of said gifts.

iPod Classic - Amazing. How the hell did you people let me live without an iPod for so long? Seriously? I'm visibly upset with each and every one of you. I've lived 25 years and 4 days of my life without an iPod and 3 days with an iPod. The last 3 days were far superior. I can finally listen to a special mix of my favorite tunes while I walk from my front door to my car.

I remember when my mother was asking me about which iPod I wanted and I debated between the 80G[igabyte] and 160G Classics. I went with the 80G because it was 100 bucks cheaper - biggest mistake of my life.

As of right now I have 7G's of music and the entire 3rd season of The Office on my iPod and still have 64G's left over. I'll never come close to filling this thing up, but I still wish I had that extra 80G's of blank space.

Nintendo Wii - You all know about this thing. It's everything you've heard. Addicting and fun as hell... Look at me - I'm a Ninja Turtle. Watch out!... Sorry, I got lost there for a second. Anyway, making Mii's and competing with them is super fun. I'm a pro bowler - just like real life! Just remember, it's impossible to hit the splitter.

Bowling bag - Mine is yellow, but you get the idea. It holds my shoes and ball. And it used to hold my towel before I left it at the alley in a drunken rage on my birthday. (Yeah, it was the towel's fault - let's go with that one.)

Steamer (SFW) - I'm assuming Lauren's parents encouraged her to buy this for me so I would stop stealing theirs because mmmmmm mmmm! I love clams! Apparently you can also steam these things called...vegetables(?). Maybe I'll try that out sometime. Or maybe I'll just eat nothing but little neck clams until February...either way.

Money - A+++ Just a wonderful gift. The one gift that you can't get wrong. I bet no one in the history of the world has ever opened up and card and went "Ah, money? What am I going to do with this?"

2 new shirts - I wore one yesterday. I looked fan-freaking-tastic.

Books - I guess a time will come when I read something that isn't on a glowing screen hooked up to the internets. When that day comes, I'll be reading Our Dumb World: Atlas Of Planet Earth and Stephen Colbert's I Am America (And So Can You). Apparenlty, I'm a geography-loving hippie.

Hunting Hat with LED lights - If you're reading this Matthew, you're a jackass. That's the hat my brother asked my parents to get him for Christmas. It's a insulated hat with ear flaps and 6 tiny light bulbs on the tip of the brim so you can use it at night. You just know he's going to wear it out drinking. Where did my mother go wrong?

$50 Price Chopper gift card - Yes! I love eating. I remember being so excited about PC gift cards when I was in college because I could buy beer there. Free booze! What's better? You know how much cheap beer you can get with a $50 gift card? Like, a lot. Like, 3 cases of Keystone Light worth. Of course now I'm a mature 25 years old with a serious girlfriend and a job so I use the gift card to buy a 12 pack of Heineken and just 2 cases of Keystone. See how I've grown?

What? They sell food at Price Chopper? No shit.

Utica Club Schultz Beer Stein - Schultz is the tall one. On mine he's wearing scuba gear. Don't ask me why. Probably so he can go swimming in booze tanks at the brewery and get the choicest Uncle Charlie's in the whole tank to get shitty.

Socks - I guess I can wear them. On my feet. Hooray socks!

The Wire Season 2 - Definitely one of my top 5 favorite seasons of The Wire. This was the season birthed the quote "Pace yourself, you're drinking with the longshoremen tonight."

Elephant Golf Club Head Cover - When shopping for my father I like to buy him the most obnoxious gift I can find. I think that this met that goal and then some.

Regal Cinema Gift Card - I already used 20 of the 25 bucks on the card to take Lauren to Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. I'll just say that I would have paid my own money to see it. (I also saw Dewey Cox this weekend - Judd Apatow can't be stopped. Another hit.)

That's all I can think of for now. Merry Christmas.

*Not now chief, I'm in the fucking zone. In addition: for what it's worth, I realize this may be a somewhat dated reference, but it's really pure gold. Also, it gives me a chance to pass along these two videos that are less viewed; Guido Fan Club Part I and Part II.