Listening to her is like…God. She is a genius. This girl is fucking hilarious – in a sad way. She’s retarded. Hot, but retarded. She doesn’t sleep! No wonder she’s so successful. Tucker Carlson is definitely in his comfort zone. OF COURSE she’s single! What is she going to say? “No, I’m in a serious relationship.” That would devastate all those losers who are going to buy her music. Tucker Carlson
“MYSPACE is an on-line community. Where, it’s like the biggest website in the world.”
“Donkey peanuts” – an inside joke. Sounds like donkey penis. As in that’s what she loves. She does donkey shows. Anyway, BWE alerted me about this (not personally, but you know) and I visited the Idolator page.
"I WANT TO BECOME FIRST PERSON IN HISTORY EVER TO BE THE FIRST UNSIGNED ARTIST TO LAND ON THE TOP 20 BILLBOARD CHARTS! HELL...EVEN MAKE #1!!!"That would be monumental and will be down in history forever! But I need your help! If you want to be a part of making history happen...all you have to do is help me spread the word about the "TILA TEQUILA MOVEMENT" and try to get as many people possible to buy my single for $0.99 cents! That's why I made it so cheap cuz it's more about the movement...not the money...We can make history together! If this works....I can go on Oprah and Larry King Live and tell the world how my friends on myspace helped me make history and how this will be a new future trend for the rest of the artists out there who want to make it on their own! This will be a story nobody will ever forget and it all starts with you! So please join me in the new revolution and set aside .99 cents for me to start history starting Feb. 27th on Itunes! So now I leave it all in your hands to decide whether or not you want to help me make history, and hopefully...you're answer is yes!
I mean, I don’t know. How would I react to hearing this song on the radio? I guess I’d listen to it because it’s on the radio? I don’t know.
I first discovered Tila Tequila on MySpace around the time I became a member. Lauren (my girlfriend, on the off-chance that anyone who I haven’t directly sent this link to reads this) had “Tila” as a friend and of course I looked because she was a hot Asian-looking girl. I mean, really hot. And not wearing any clothes. Do I know her actual ethnicity? No. Do I care? No, because she’s fucking hot and not wearing any clothes. (Upon further review, she doesn't look so great in some pictures. I'm doing this research for you!)
I’ve been on MYSPACE for…shit, going on my third year I think. And I have visited her site on multiple occasions to look at the new almost-nude pictures of her. Because, shit, she’s hot. And in almost three years, I’ve never once heard the audio on her page. Either I don’t have the sound on and look at the page or I just click to the pictures page. So today I did it. I actually decided to listen to see if this bitch was as good as… well, anyone.
Here’s what I think: She sucks. I know, I know. Too obvious, right? I mean, she’s kind of like Fergie, but without the busted-ass face. And she yells a lot more. And she’ll (hopefully) never work with anyone as talented as the Black Eyed Peas. Then again, she probably will. It’s really fucking sad, but this girl has almost 1.7 million friends. And are – as Idolator pointed out – 10% of them dumb enough to buy a single they don’t actually like? Fuck yeah they are!
My point is, this is probably going to happen. Is this an angry version of Fergie? Yes. Is it horrible. Yeah, but we’ve dealt with horrible before. Is there really a good mainstream musical act? Probably not. We all hate each other’s favorite bands. She’s like…a female... Fred Durst? Maybe? Who cares. This slut is hot. If enough stores carry her awful song she’ll probably break the top 20. Hell, she could be number one. Then everyone in the industry can freak for 5 minutes and Rolling Stone and MTV will run stories on how this is changing the music industry. Of course the music industry died around the same time Napster hit the “scene.”
I can’t stress enough that the only reason she is so popular is because she looks good in a bathing suite, but damn it if that should be the way everyone in the music industry – and yes I’m looking in your general direction Paul Wall.
I’d like to continue on Miss Tequila (Have I pointed out that her first name may or may not be short for Tortilla? Just a thought.) but my brain is so jacked up on Mountain Dew right now that I can barely look at the same webpage for more than 15 seconds before my eyelid starts to flicker uncontrollably. I’m a fucking mess right now. Anyway, um, ah. Fuck. Yeah. Bye.
(Honestly, I don’t know what the preceding paragraphs say.)