You know the old saying, “So-and-So, jumped the shark?”
Well Dane Cook has jumped the shark and subsequently done everything else the Happy Days crew put on television afterwards. The proof as they say is in the shitty emo song available for download on iTunes. (I would provide the link, but if you want to buy this song than I hate you and would gladly kick you in whatever reproductive organs you possess so that you are assured of never reproducing.
This song is ridiculous. I heard a clip this morning on FLY92 and was beside myself. (Yeah, I listen to FLY92. What about it? Tell me you don’t flip through channels looking for Rihanna? Fuck off.)
Anyway, the giant turd Dane Cook dropped on our collective chest that was Tourgasm was one thing. We might have been able to write it off as a decent observational comic failing at filming a documentary about what it’s like for comedians on the road. It turns out that no one in their right mind could possibly give a shit about what comics do on the road.
Yes, Dane, it’s kind of funny when you say on stage that you took a shit in a bucket. Actually seeing you carrying around said bucket trying to hold it near another person while they say “Get that away from me,” is not funny. What did Tourgasm teach us? Well it basically taught us that comedians are sensitive little bitches who can’t take needling the way real people do.
Oh my God! A porno! I don’t watch porno! I’m religious! Let’s do a 12 episode arch of our “conflict” based on my moral purity while Dane Fucking Cook plays Doctor Fucking Phil.
Fuck you Dane Cook. HBO should take some of the money they sunk into you and hire a hit man. I haven’t even brought up the fact that you filmed Employee of the Month. If that movie had premiered on September 11, people would have thought it was an another terrorist attack.
Tourgasm was like asking for a brand new car for graduation and getting a really shitty documentary about 4 people no one fucking cares about.
You are Tila Tequilla. A MySpace creation.
Oh yeah, here’s the song that will soon be tearing up the charts: Dane Cook’s Forward.
Full disclosure: I use to laugh at Dane Cook. Then I figured out his entire act is saying normal things while gyrating and making noises.
You guys ever see a COP CAR? It's *WOOOO WOOOO WOOOO* fucking scary! And then you get pulled over *knock knock knock* and the cop says *Funny voice* "License and registration please?" IT'S INSANE! (Oh yeah, you should have read that while you were running full speed from one end of the room to the other and crouching down intermittently to touch your genitals.)