GRINDHOUSE - Coming Soon To DVD?

This pretty lady is Jordan Ladd. You might recognize her as Penelope from Club Dread or one of the girls of Grindhouse - if you've seen it.

I'm working my way through Death Proof right now and am looking forward to the Planet Terror half whenever that comes out. I don't see why they separated the films. Dumb American public. It's sad. The amount of time and effort Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez put into making GRINDHOUSE the way they wanted to and then they tear it in half towards the end of the theater run and release the DVD's separately. The gayest part about the whole thing is that they'll most definitely put them back together in a few months - say around Christmas? - and piss off anyone who bought either of the movies separately.

In my opinion there's no excuse for this. These two guys are supposed to be "cowboys," or "rebels" in the movie industry. They do things their way. That's what they were doing when they put together Grindhouse, which I was really excited to see.

As it stands right now, one of my biggest cinematic regrets is not going to the theater to see this once in a lifetime double feature. Now, like a jackass, I have to wait for the films to be cut and pasted back together (including fake trailers) so I can pretend to get the same cinematic experience on the home entertainment system that I would have gotten in the theater.

Week 3 Fantasy Football Recap

Every Tuesday or Wednesday morning I'll be recapping the previous weekend's fantasy football match ups in the Cousins of Ron Mexico Fantasy Football League. If you think no one cares about your (or my) fantasy football team, that's too bad because you're fucking wrong. So read it, skim it, or skip it because here's your CRMFFL Recap for:

WEEK 3

The Talent House Co-Op doubled up on the Duck Walkers 161.5 – 83. That earns Christian the “Boof of the Week” Award! “Boof of the Week” goes to the team that got crushed by the most points each week. Since I’ve been doing a shitty job as commissioner/league blogger this year, I haven’t handed out any Boof of the Week awards.

So, here are the retroactive Boof winners from the first two weeks:

Week 1: On A Bender was boofed by a scant 28 points.

Week 2: Duck Walkers got boofed by me! Just under 35 points separated us.

Week 3: I just covered this, but it was by far the biggest boofing of the season as Duck Walkers continue to slide.

B Camerons Baby Daddy took its first loss of the season in a thrilling matchup with ImGladImNotMarvin 151.1 – 147.5.

The Team 137.9 – Boddie Call 94.2

El Nino 146.2 – Quinn’s Shit Stabbers 98.1

Rape Stand and Deliver 106.3 – On A Bender 78.4

The standings after Week 3:

1 El Nino------------------------------3-0-0

2 ImGladImNotMarvin---------------3-0-0

3 B Cameron's Baby Daddy------------2-1-0

4 The Team---------------------------2-1-0

5 Rape Stand and Deliver----------2-1-0

6 the Talent House--------------------1-2-0

7 Boddie Call--------------------------1-2-0

8 On A Bender------------------------1-2-0

9 Quinn's Shit Stabbers---------------0-3-0

10 Duck Walkers----------------------0-3-0

I’m a little worried. My team hasn’t put up many points. Randy Moss and Ronald Curry(!) are carrying my team right now. My first two picks Larry Johnson and Reggie Bush are killing me. Not to mention Marc Bulger. Oh, God, Marc Bulger. Things could take a turn for the worse soon.

Trans-Atlantic Flights Are Fun and Tiring and Other Things All At Once

Just so nobody thinks I haven't been doing anything at all today here is the piece I wrote for my Travel Writing class. Whenever I write something I'll be putting it here so you can laugh at the work I'm doing towards a Master's Degree.

Not included in the article I'm handing in: this picture of stewardesses.

This Spring I went to England for 12 days. I was there to visit my girlfriend of nearly 3 years. She was pursuing a Masters Degree in Art History and decided it would be best to go abroad and leave me on the other side of the pond while she worked toward her goal.

Probably the most intriguing part of the story is that her Master’s thesis ended up being about Albany’s Nelson A. Rockefeller Empire State Plaza. That’s right – she went from a 10 minute drive from her topic to a 10 hour flight away.

When I went in the Spring it was my first time traveling abroad. Before my trip to England I’d been just short of a world traveler. I’d ventured as far south as Florida, as far west as Michigan and as far North as Canada – all on parentally sponsored family vacations.

This was my first solo traveling experience - except for the part where my parents drove me to the LaGuardia airport…and the part where Lauren met me at London Heathrow airport, and stayed with me the entire time and led me around England while holding my hand… and also when Lauren helped me get back to Heathrow, and my father met me at JFK and drove me home. Except for all that I did the whole trip by myself.

My parents picked me up at 3am and drove me to the city. When we got to LaGuardia, my parents treated me to a nutritious and delicious McDonald’s breakfast and sent me through the security checkpoint. While there I got to take off my sneakers and volunteered for a full cavity search. Unfortunately, I wasn’t deemed “a threat,” and the fact that I hadn’t worn underwear would go unnoticed.

Once I made it through security I was treated to a big room with a bunch of chairs, one television showing the news and a closed bar because it was 8 in the morning. There was nothing to do. The duty free shop was the size of a bathroom and left me with nothing to do but compare the price of gallon jugs of liquor and perfumes. So I got to sit down and read a magazine I had bought.

After I sat and watched basically everyone else on my flight board, (It’s not “coach,” its “ECONOMY!”) I got to walk down the runway towards my new metal home for the next 8 hours. As I walked down the tunnel or tarmac or whatever they call it, all I could do was think of all the praise that Lauren and her parents had heaped on the type of airplane I was soon to board.

I was flying Virgin Atlantic and it was supposedly the best airline out there. I was told tales of small personal televisions for every flyer. There was going to be a multitude of movies and television shows for me to choose from. They told me grand tales that I didn’t think were possibly true. Pretty much, they made it sound my flight would be Heaven in the heavens.

When I reached the airplane my jaw dropped – it looked like everything they had described - and more. Each seat looked like a separate pod. They were all big enough to stretch out in. I was ecstatic!

Now that I was truly excited I asked the nearest stewardess – excuse me – flight attendant where my seat was. She looked at my ticket and then she pointed to the back of the plane – my heart sunk.

I ended up walking for what seemed like 10 minutes. As I progressed to the back of the plane the seats got smaller and smaller. I passed a bar. I went through curtains. I think I saw a Starbucks. By the time I found my seat it looked like every other stinking airplane seat I’d ever seen. There was nothing luxurious. There was no place to lie down.

I dejectedly threw my bag in the overhead and plopped down in my seat, cursing the very idea that I wouldn’t be smoking a pipe or wearing slippers. Then a person came and took the seat next to me. He turned out to be a man from India who was stopping in London on his way home. He seemed nice enough, but I wasn’t looking forward to fact that we would be sharing an armrest for 8 hours.

Then things started to turn around. The stewardess told us we would be taking off shortly and our portion of the plane was not even half-full. As we took off I started to game plan for what I would do as soon as the “Fasten Seatbelt” sign went dark. I would head to one of the middle aisles which consisted of 4 empty seats.

So long single serving friend.

I was Jack’s legs stretching out on a Trans-Atlantic flight.

Once I procured my aisle of seats I started playing with the personal television screens. There were movies that I hadn’t seen, television shows I loved and even a catalogue of albums I could listen to if I wanted to read…psych! I would never read when there’s television available!

I watched Babel, For Your Consideration, and Bobby. I even sat through 7 minutes of Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny which I couldn’t believe was on board based on the FAA’s feelings about bombs on airplanes.

At some point we had lunch or dinner. It’s all very hazy when you’re running on no sleep and crossing 5 time zones. I had a delicious Heineken. If I hadn’t been up since 3am I probably would have had a couple more, but I had been up since 3am so I zoned out. I was too exhausted to crave beer – a tragedy on so many levels. As we approached London we were asked to go back to our original seats – presumably so that in the case of a crash landing we could be easily identified by the seat numbers we died in. I wondered what I would do if I ended up on a LOST-ish island.

I retook my seat and looked out the window to see the London night. Flying into London from America is a weird sight. If you want to experience it without spending the 500 dollars for a round trip plane ticket here’s how to recreate it.

Find a room with black tile flooring. Now replace an eighth of those black tiles with light green tiles and spread them around the floor. Now get a ladder, and a small oval picture frame. Climb up the ladder and look through the frame.

That’s England – mostly dark with a metric-dozen soccer fields every couple kilometers. It was beautiful. Eventually, we descended through the clouds and more than just the futbol fields became visible. I imagine the view was comparable to what it’s like to fly into any other big city at night, but there, in that moment it was breathtaking.

Maybe it was the fact that I was just minutes away from Lauren who I hadn’t seen in months. Maybe it was the fact that I had been up for 18 hours and had no concept of what time it was. Maybe it was post-traumatic-stress disorder from having endured nearly 10 minutes of Jack Black earlier in the day.

Whatever it was that had me feeling sentimental, at least I had made it to London. I was excited about having my real trip begin – I just needed a little sleep first.

When I Get Sad I Eat Cookies

Oh yeah, if you're really bored I guess you could watch the video of the Forrest "The Wounded Tiger" Griffin vs Mauricio "Shogun" Rua fight on Saturday.

Mauricio "shogun" Rua Vs Forrest Griffin

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Griffin is the funniest man in MMA.

I am personally looking forward to his title shot that will come in the next 4-8 months. Mark my words. He either gets Rampage at the Super Bowl PPV or the 205 title fight that should come around April or May.

Chuck Norris Calls This A Slow Monday

It seems more and more that Mondays are very slow here in this neck of the blogosphere. I don’t know why. Maybe its because I’m coming out of a 3 day alcohol-induced coma. Maybe it’s because I’m gearing up for the consumption of a multitude of chicken wings later in the night.

In place of my actually doing anything (I’m actually working on a piece for my travel writing class as you read) I’ll just pass along this link that made me laugh out loud. (NSFNDF - Not Safe For Notre Dame Fans)

Oh, and if the outfit that girl is wearing looks familiar...that's because you saw it on a well-known boxer.

Translation: Yup, that's the Russian stripper that took the pictures of Oscar De la Hoya. If you want to see more of her, you can check out the pictures - and story! - over at With Leather.