Hey, Federal Government, Can I Just Burn My Money Instead?

Ugh. Screw you, Main Stream Media. Nobody gives a shit about Roger Clemens. OK?

Look, no one dislikes Clemens more than me. OK, maybe Bill Simmons. But aside from Simmons, no one hates Clemens more than I do. I think he's a huge dick head. (Clemens, not Simmons) A cheater. A liar. An asshole. (Is that repetitive? Sorry.)

Nothing would make me happier than seeing Roger Clemens place in the history of baseball get a big *, or smudge, or blemish, or et cetera, et cetera. I don't know if this stems from my deep-rooted and baseless hatred of the Yankees or if I just really dislike assholes, but I have hated Clemens for years now. And he's never done anything to me.

From the New York Times via Fan House:

"There's a big league team to the left, I think," said Clemens, referring to how reporters were ignoring the Astros to concentrate on his comings and goings. "Wow ... You guys need to get a life."

*Sigh* I agree with Roger Clemens. These reporters shouldn't even be there. Anyone not assigned to report on the actual Astros should be advised to exit the premises immediately. Thank you.

Because of this insanely pointless and boring coverage, Clemens ruins SportsCenter whenever they decide to lead with 5 minutes of coverage from Capitol Hill. Or he ruins PTI when Wilbon and Kornheiser devote the first three, 2-minute segments to Roger Clemens and the "court of public opinion."

To quote Collin Sullivan from The Departed, "Qui gives a shit."

Well, guess what? When it comes to whether or not Rocket is going to be convicted of perjury, I'm guessing the "court of public opinion" is on a long recess. Either that or nobody showed up for jury duty. At what point is it going to occur to people that OUR TAX DOLLARS are paying for this charade? This televised circle jerk?

Granted I make around four-thousand dollars a year - and that's all from returning beer cans - but if I did have to pay taxes I would be pissed off. The guy throws a ball for a living while gas prices are threatening to rise to $4 a gallon. It's bad enough that our elected leaders spend X-amount of dollars on campaigning while people are starving and struggling to make ends meet in their cities and states. It's disgusting.

I'm so glad my parents work so hard to help contribute to finding out whether or not a baseball player may have gone to a fucking pool party 10 years ago. What a joke! So his wife took a shot of bull semen* - who amongst us hasn't!? Someone make it stop!

But no! From SI.com:

So the leaders of a House committee want the Justice Department to investigate if the star pitcher lied under oath about using performance-enhancing drugs.

What a joke. This has got to be a joke, right? More government officials are getting involved? If only there was a war going on that might distract our elected officials from something so trivial as what baseball players are injecting themselves with.

Should Clemens have lied under oath? No.

Should Clemens have been under oath in the first place? No.

/Channeling Bill Simmons

I was talking to my father this weekend and he made an excellent point. If Clemens had walked into that congressional hearing and said something along the lines of, "I'm pleading the 5th. As an American tax-payer I am deeply disappointed that you're wasting your time and my money on something like this with all the real problems in America."

/End Channeling Bill Simmons

This whole ordeal is starting to turn Clemens into a sympathetic figure! Just forget about Clemens. Let me forget about Clemens. Please! I mean, come on - I'm starting to pine for "the good old days" of round-the-clock A-Rod coverage.

*Interesting side note - When I did the blog search for Debbie Clemens and found that link, this line stood out to me: "Then, Brian McNamee accused Debbie Clemens of taking HGH - and our jaws have yet to recover from hitting the floor so hard."

Dear Readers,
If I ever write anything that fucking stupid in this space and am half-way serious about it, let me know and I'll delete the blog and take a pair of scissors to my Ethernet cable.
Love Always,
CRM