A Mavrickian E-Mail Scam

Let's take a little look-see at the most intriguing aspect of "The Jason Kidd Trade." On paper this is a tremendous pickup for the Mavericks. They get a past his prime point guard who can't make a jump shot and they only had to give up half their active roster and 2 future first round draft picks.

And they had to sign Keith Van Horn.

To a 4 million dollar contract. From SI.com:

The big winner in this is Van Horn, who has been out of the league the last 11/2 seasons. Dallas still owned his rights, so his involvement is essentially to make the numbers work. He'll be signed then traded -- and, like Kidd, he'll be heading back to his original team. It seems highly unlikely he'll actually play for the Nets.

So...to recap...Devean Goerge used the no-trade clause in his contract which threw a monkey wrench in the plans for the original Kidd trade. Despite the fact that no one wanted George to stay in Dallas (teammates included) he stuck to his guns and refused to be traded.

This results in Keith Van Horn getting 4,000,000 dollars. All he has to do is nothing. He doesn't have to play. From what I understand he doesn't even have to go to New Jersey - where he probably owns a house! He played for the Nets from 1997-2002.

How many times do you think the people from the Mavericks and Nets had to call Van Horn before he let them finish what they were saying?

*ring ring ring*

KVH: Hello?

NBA Executive: Hello, Keith? This is so-and-so from the Mavericks/Nets.

KVH: Oh, hey. How are you?

NBA Exec: Good good. Look, we're trying to put this deal together involving Jason Kidd and the money just doens't work out. Can we sign you to a $4 million dollar contract?

KVH: Excuse me?

NBA Exec: You don't even have to play.

KVH: Who is this? Doleac? Stop calling me man. I don't want to see your stupid fucking championship ring!

NBA Exec: No! Keith, I'm seriou...

*click*

I assume this went on for a few hours and the police had to get involved. Eventually someone said, "No, really Keith - it's been all over ESPN and the internet for days now. Why don't you have cable?" At that point Keith Van Horn would explain that a "high percentage of his budget goes towards hair gel" and the police would leave.

I mean, this has to be the real life equivalent of one of those Nigerian e-mail scams:

Dear Keith Van Horn,

I know that this message will come to you as a surprise. I am the Owner with the Mavericks, of Dallas, Texas. And HDNet.I Hope that you will not expose or betray this trust and confident that I am about to repose on you for the mutual benefit of our both families.

I need your urgent assistance in transferring the sum of ($4)million to your account within 10 or 14 game days. This money has been dormant for years in our Salary Cap without claim.I want the bank to release the money to you as the nearest person to our basketball team without notrade clause, Mr.Devean George who refused trade along with his supposed next of kin in an a contract, he is a deceased to me. Serious, they will fish his body from lake because of his distubrance of transgression.

I don't want the money to go into New Jersey's hand as an abandoned fund. So this is the reason why I am contacting you so that the bank can release the money to you as the next of position to the jerk small forward. Please I would like you to keep this proposal as a top secret and delete it if you are not interested. League offices frown on not sending real player so keep the fact that you will not suite up of the utmost secrecy.

Upon receipt of your reply, I will give you full details on how the trade will be executed and also note that you will have 100% of the above mentioned sum if you agree to handle this business with me.

I am expecting your urgent response as soon as you receive my message.

Best Regard.

Mr.Mark Cuban

That's the last time I ignore an e-mail regarding a bank in Ouagadougou Burkina Faso. I just hope next time the Mavericks need to make an 8 player deal, they contact me.