It Was A Long/Blurry/Drunk/Fun Weekend: Part 1

Since it was a long weekend (Three days = "Wahoo! No Parents!") there are plenty of crazy stories to share. I'm not sure how many parts this tale will be woven into, but I know it's going to take at least three if I want to tell all my harrowing adventures in an adequate and timely fashion. (Warning: Might not actually be timely.)

Part 1: In which the weekend begins....

I'll start with Friday at lunch. Mike (Roommate), Brendan (Old, smelly, balding guy at work who isn't actually old, smelly or balding. You can see why Mike and I are so well liked.) and I went to the local pizzeria for some 'za. You know - like the young people do when they need a good "nosh." While we were there we found some WalMart brand soda with great names like "Mountain Lightening" and "Dr. Thunder."

While Mike and I weren't that impressed with the cheesy knockoffs - who hasn't seen a shitty non-brand name soda? - Brendon was so smitten by the discovery that he changed the signature on his company e-mail to read "Brendan 'Dr. Thunder' Namewithheld." Obviously they didn't have such outrageous pop cans in the 80's. By the way - Brendan's last name really is "Namewithheld." It's Dutch. Like "Gak."

Anyway, after the hullabaloo at lunch (Holy shit! A weird name on a soda can! Gadzooks!) I was sent home from work early. Luckily, it wasn't like the last time I was sent home from work early. (That time I was told not to come back.) This time I was told I could leave because there wasn't that much work to do. I didn't argue because it was gorgeous outside. So I grabbed my iPod and bounced. Of course, I was sweating by the time I reached my car. While I blame the slight incline of the parking lot, I wasn't too surprised because the sun was shining.

When I got home I got to run to the bank to cash paychecks and start pricing cases of beer. See, we were throwing an engagement party for our friends Mike and Katie. (Scroll to the bottom, Eli and Abby are not our friends.) Mike and Katie have been together for like 19 years or something and Mike just recently ruined it for his guy friends who are also in committed relationships proposed to Katie.

When Mike and Katie got engaged, 18th Century Gossips, Lauren and Heather, decided they should throw an engagement party. They did most of the work, all I was in charge of was beer and cigars.

Why cigars? The theme was Havana Nights. As we all know, Cubans are famous for playing lots of baseball and making kick-ass cigars. Since I didn't want to organize a game of softball where we played barefoot and used old milk cartons for gloves, I volunteered for cigar (Or "See-gar" if you want to make it sound gay. Example: "Hey, Kyle. I've got a see-gar for you to smoke.") and beer duty.

Something you might not know about me - I know jack shit about cigars. I'd never smoked one in my life and... well I guess there is no and. I just don't know anything about cigars. So I turned to the one man who knows about cigars - Kyle. He told me to go with Punch brand because they wouldn't - and I quote - "make lightweight assholes puke everywhere."

Sounded simple enough to me.

Tune in later today for Part II: In which I start to drink beers and other things happen... For now, I'm going to lunch.