It Was A Long/Blurry/Drunk/Fun Weekend: Part 2

This is the story of the long Memorial Day weekend I just experienced. To get caught up read Part 1: In which the weekend begins...

In which I buy see-gars....

Under Kyle's sage advice, I went into a new tobacco shop to purchase some Punch brand cigars. As I may have mentioned previously, I know nothing about cigars. So any knowledge I had was limited to what Kyle had told me over the phone in between curse laden rants about fruit salads. (He was trying to find out what to have his girlfriend make to bring to the party. I'll reveal his choice later in this series.)

I walked into the new tobacco bar - that's right, it was a bar of sorts. You know, one of those smoking rooms you hear so much about from guys with purple robes and corn cob pipes. I'm not sure how much of this is real and how much is my imagination.

As I walked in I was greeted by a large dog. This is completely unrelated to the plot of this story, but I like dogs and this one was pretty cool. That's why I'm mentioning it.

The store's employee asked me if I was looking for anything in particular. I dropped the "Punch-bomb" on him and he led me into the walk-in humidor and pointed them out to me.

I have to say, I've always been a fan of walk-in humidors. I don't know why. I like walk-in coolers too. Something about isolated rooms with special environments just do it for me. I can't explain it. Maybe its because when I go into a cooler or humidor I feel like I'm a researcher on a new biosphere project. I guess I just like pretending I'm Pauly Shore.

As I stood in the cigarosphere looking at the 8 or 9 boxes of Punch cigars it dawned on me that I really had not fucking clue what I was doing. The only difference I would be able to discern between any of these cigars were size and color.

So I set about studying the cigars. I compared the length and thickness of the cigars. I picked them up. I looked them over at all angles. I inspected them more closely than anyone had inspected a cigar before.

I figured out nothing.

I ended up walking out of the humidor with a big pile of cigars which made the man at the counter say "Wow." I immediately knew I was doing something out of the ordinary. Apparently 10 separate single cigars are somewhat out of the ordinary. Perhaps I should have gotten a box? Oh well.

I said goodbye to the dog and left with my sack full of cigars. As I started to drive home I realized that I was supposed to have something to cut the end off the cigars. So I stopped at another cigar shop to get a... I had no idea what those tiny little cigar guillotines are called.

When I went in and asked the grizzled old woman behind the counter for a "cigar lopper." Apparently, this isn't the preferred nomenclature. The woman looked at me like I was Pumpkin Romanoff. Feeling like a simpleton, I just shrugged - "Cigar cutter?"

She got that. She walked over near where the hookahs were set up and I expected her to pull out some grand glass piece with a blade. Luckily, she just grabbed a cheap plastic model. I threw it in my pocket and on my way I went.

When I got home I started to clean up the house. People would be coming over after the engagement party the next night to watch the fight so the place needed to be spic and span.

Tune in later for Part 3: In which Mike and I go to the beer store and then play a game we like to call, "Drink the beer."

Also: A review of the Happy Madison production, Strange Wilderness! It should be intriguing!