It Was A Long/Blurry/Fun/Drunk Weekend: Part 3

As we continue further into the week and farther away from Memorial Day weekend, it's important to remember that in the future I should live-blog long weekends. Without further ado...

In which it is now Friday night...

Having bought the cigars and started to clean up the house, I was understandably getting thirsty. It was Friday night after all and who am I to not imbibe? When Mike returned home from work I greeted him at the door with cases of beer neatly packed with the empties that we had been collecting on our back porch for the last few months.

We started throwing empties in the car until it was just about full and then headed off to be rewarded for our hard work drinking. First we took the loose bottles and cans (those that didn't fit in cases for some reason or another) to Price Chopper so we could appear like the Rockefellars we are as we stuffed the returnables into the magical machines that give us little pieces of paper for our trouble.

Of course anything that wasn't a 22-ounce Bud Light wasn't read by the machines and we had to invite one of the dunderhead employees over to count our remaining bottles. I don't know if you've ever seen a dimwitted upstate New York woman look at an import beer and question its value, but it's worth checking out.

"I've never seen this one before."

Oh, I'm sorry, dumbass. It's Labatts. They don't have that in Menands yet?

Then she proclaimed one can "isn't worth anything" as she turned it over and over looking in every place but the top. We litterally had to take the can from her hand and point directly at the 5-cent symbol. Guh.

After that adventure we headed to the beverage center to cash in the rest of our empties for fresh drinks. We had something like $15 worth of assorted cans and bottles for the lovely Schantz beverage in Watervliet. When you take bottles back there the kids who work there give you a small piece of paper with the dollar value of your returns on it. Seems a bit sketchy, but it works for them.

We grabbed a few cases, some Sparks and headed out. When we got back we decided to order some pizza. (Wait, didn't we just have that for lunch?) As we were putting the money together for the delivery guy, we realized that we seemed to have paid a bit much for the beer. After a few seconds of pondering I immediately realized why our booze bill had been so high - I never handed the clerk our little redemption slip.

Realizing I probably wouldn't be able to go back in the morning and have anyone believe that this piece of scrap paper was really worth 15 bucks, I saddled up and out the door I went. Again. For good measure I picked up another 4-pack of Sparks while I was out.

Then I ran back to Price Chopper to see if there was any sort of Margarita mix for Lauren and Heather. Then I ran to the liquor store next to Price Chopper. Then back to Price Chopper. I ended up buying some cheap mix and finally headed home for the evening.

By that time it was almost time for the pizza to arrive. As you can imagine, I was pretty excited. But before the 'za showed up, Lauren called and asked me to bring a bottle of rum next door. I agreed despite the fact that I knew the pizza was so very near. I also grabbed the bag of cigars to bring next door in case Lo and Heather wanted to start setting stuff up. So with a bottle of rum in one hand and a clear plastic bag full of cigars in the other, I walked out the door.

Right as the delivery guy was stepping onto the porch.

I must have looked like Nelly. The only thing that was missing was a 9mm sticking out the front of my boxers.

The delivery guy set the pizza down and left without incident.

I'm kidding of course. I said, "Excuse me for a moment while I run inside and grab some dolla-dolla-bills, ya'll." After the pizza guy left I dropped the pizza off and sprinted back to the house where Mike was extremely confused.

I hadn't seen him since I returned from the store and he thought the pizza guy had walked into the house, taken the money and (thankfully) left the pizza.

Since the new Indiana Jones movie had just come out and we were both big fans, we decided to watch Raiders of the Lost Ark. Originally, when I started writing this, I was under the impression that we watched Strange Wilderness. A common mistake, I know.

Actually, we had watched Strange Wilderness the night before. It was funny, but nowhere near Grandma's Boy-funny. Basically, it was retarded, but it made me laugh. So, yeah - what Upstate Underdog said.

After we watched the Indy flick (See what I did there?) we probably played 72 holes of Tiger Woods and drank a lot of beer. Who can keep track of all these wild nights?

Tune in tomorrow for Saturday!