Look Who Gets To Attend The Team Building Retreat

It's been awhile, but today is just as good as any.

The phone rings - MOE picks up.

MOE: Yo.

Roger Goodell's Secratery: Hello, this is Sheila from Commisioner Goodell's office. Is Adam there?

MOE: What? This Tyron?

RGS: Excuse me?

MOE: Oh, shit. This Jazmine? From the club?

RGS: No, this is Sheila from Commissioner Goodell's office. I have the Commissioner for Adam Jones.

MOE: Uh... hold up, yo. *Hangs up phone* Yo, Pac. Somebody's on the phone, son.

Adam: Who is it?

MOE: I don't know. Says it's Shelia. From the club.

Adam: Motherfucker, we don't know no Shelia.

MOE: Maybe it's the pizza guy.

Adam: Why would the pizza guy call?

MOE: I don't know. You order a pizza, yo?

Adam: No, did you?

MOE: Yeah.

The phone rings - MOE answers again.

MOE: You outside?

Commissioner: Just put Pacman on the phone.

MOE: Woah. Yo, Pac. It's for you.

Adam: Come on mother fucker. Do it like you're supposed to.

MOE: Oh, shit. *Puts phone back to his ear* You done reached the home of Pacman Jones. Please hold for Pacman Jones.

MOE sets the phone on the table and walks away. Pacman picks up.

Adam: You got Pacman.

Commissioner: Hello, Adam. This is Commissioner Goodell.

Adam: What up Goody?

Commissioner: *sighs* Nothing Adam. Listen, I've decided to grant you partial reinstatement.

Adam: What?

Commissioner: It means you may begin participating in team activities.

Adam: You mean like, camping and whatnot?

Commissioner: Well... Yes, I guess.

Adam: Can I play football?

Commissioner: That is a privilege. You may participate in training camp and preseason games as long as your behavior stays on the up and up.

Adam: That's cool, dawg.

Commissioner: Yes. It is cool. Don't fuck it up. No strip clubs. No guns. No drugs. None of that kiddie shit or you're done. You got it?

Adam: Fuck yeah.

Commissioner: Don't make me regret this, Adam.

Adam: Peace out Goody!

Pacman hangs up the phone and runs to tell MOE.

Adam: Yo son - I can play ball again.

MOE: Nice. When?

Adam: Well, I've got to do some team building activities first.

MOE: You mean like camping?

Adam: Yeah, trust falls and shit.

MOE: So you wanna go to the club and celebrate?

Adam: No, dawg. I can't be doing that shit. I gotta turn to my new teammates for guidance.

MOE: Who you gonna call Pac?

Adam: My boy, T.O.

Pacman picks up the phone and calls Terrell Owens.

T.O.: You got T.O.

Adam: What up, boy? I'm reinstated! I can play! All I gotta do is stay out trouble. What you doin?

T.O.: Oh, nothing...
Adam: Yo, what's that noise? Are you at the fuckin' club?

T.O.: What? No...Yeah. Come on out.

Adam: Motherfucker, if I get caught in a club I'll get suspended again.

T.O.: Yeah... Here you go baby...

Adam: What?

T.O.: Shake that ass...

Adam: Fuck. I gotta go.

T.O.: What a fu...

Pacman hangs up.

Adam: Shit son. That boy ain't no help.

MOE: You could call Tony Romo.

They both laugh.

Adam: Nah. I'll call Deion. Primetime will give me the guidance I require.

MOE: No doubt, son.

Pacamn calls Deion Sanders.

Deion: Hello?

Adam: Yo, Primetime! It's your boy Pacman. I got reinstated and shit!

Deion drops the phone.

Deion: (Shouting) Baby! I dropped the phone. Come pick up the phone for me.

Adam: Hello? Deion?

Deion: (Shouting) Baby! You're a woman. I make too much income for this. Come pick up your man's phone! Be subservient, baby!



Adam: I'm fucked.