Take It Back! If I Wanted Something Your Finger Had Touched I Would Have Ordered The Inside Of Your Ear!

I learned something about blogging last night. Apparently, when a fellow blogger - Heather in this case - sends me a story related to a subject that I have been known to write about, I'm supposed to relay this story to you guys. After the string of Utica Club posts towards the end of last week, Heather - who had a bit of a rough birthday weekend - sent me the following story. Of course I've broken it up to make snide comments and clarify things. Enjoy:

So I went out to dinner with my parents last night and they were talking about their "crazy" college days at Plattsburgh.

Are there any other kinds of days at Plattsburgh? The place has an Applebee's for crying out loud. Marshawn Lynch would be in Heaven.

I guess they would go to Albany parties and be beer snobs because everyone would drink Utica [Club] and they were used to good Canadian beers.

La-dee-freaking-da Mr and Mrs President!

Thats when my dad decided to tell his story of Utica beer, which, until yesterday, I had never heard him acknowledge before.

To be fair, Heather just turned 24, so she was too young to understand before this weekend.

Apparently in the 70s when they were going through their stone age gas crisis and everything was "going green."

Um...fossil fuels! Ha!


Oh yeah - They had to fill up the tank uphill in snow both ways... What did gas cost then? 25 cents a tank? My heart goes out to the older generation. No, really.


Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but haven't gas prices been rising non-stop since gasoline was first provided for public consumption? Can we please stop with the fucking "Gas Prices On The Rise!" headlines every single day? Yeah, I get it. It's 2 cents higher than it was yesterday.


Qui bono - who benefits? Qui gives a shit - that's the way it's always going to be. If America invaded every oil producing country in the world today and we suddenly had unlimited resources, do you really think that gas prices are going to stop going up? Or for that matter go down? Because they aren't. So take your headlines and your news stories about record gas prices and shove them. It's like Dennis Miller once said, "Gas is more expensive than my 10-cent words."

Utica, had created wide-mouthed beer bottles with like a pull-off top.

Sounds like pudding.

It actually sounded like a pudding top to me.

Oh! Heather is sooo smart!

But anyways, my dad is at this party and a guy opens his Utica and begins to drink it then starts choking ("I remember my first beer")

Good Beerfest reference, but to quote Kevin Smith: "Not for nothing, but I'll make the fucking jokes."

So they're all giving him shit about that, saying "It's just a beer man!!" Then he hold out his hand and there is a dead mouse in it.

Doesn't that sound just like a hippie? "Wooah! It's just a beer, man! Be cool." Make sure to read it in a hippie voice. I bet that was really said, too. And that there was some contra-fucking-band involved.

Somehow a dead mouse was in his beer, and it of course ended up in his mouth when he tried to drink the refreshing beverage.

I don't care how gross that is. That is a great story. I would love to see that happen at a party. Especially to someone I don't like. Hilarious. Of course, if something like that happened today, whoever gargled the mouse would own the charred remains of the brewery.


Anyway, back to how blogging works:


A blogger - Heather in this instance - sends me a somewhat related story and I write something hilarious like what you see above and then link to her blog (The Duchess of Devonshire's Gossip Guide to the 18th Century) and everybody that read this story goes there and she gets all sorts of hits. It's the blogosphere's version of buying her a beer. So basically, what I'm saying is - Heather, you owe me a beer.


Just make sure there aren't any fucking mice in it.


[The Duchess of Devonshire's Gossip Guide to the 18th Century]