Cool New Movie Incredibly NSFW

Not an hour ago the following e-mail hit my inbox:

I saw this on Attack of the Show. At first I thought it was fake. Apparently, it's a real movie.

The body of that e-mail in no way prepared me for what would follow when I clicked the link contained within. Really, no description could have prepared me for what I was about to view.

The pure unadulterated awesomeness that follows is the trailer for a very real movie simply titled, Donkey Punch.



I just don't know what you can say about something like this. This is kind of like the first time I saw the trailer for Black Sheep. Only there is much more disbelief and awe this time.

They named a movie after one of the most vile, degrading, outlandish, offensive acts in the history of civilization. This is something people with a crass sense of humor only joke about. An act that only the most depraved human beings would even begin to consider with an modicum of seriousness. We're talking about a donkey punch here, people.

The fact that I just Googled that term probably will result in my name being added to a list that bars me from future employment with any and all Fortune 500 companies.

This movie has to be the new Snakes on a Plane, right? If I know anything about the internet, fake posters and trailers using perverse sexual acts to build plots of horror films on should become all the rage in the coming weeks.Now, I've just watched the trailer for the 4th time and I'm starting to wonder about some things... For instance - How does one so debonairly bring up the donkey punch? I mean, you're chilling with some new friends, talking baseball and favorite ice cream flavors... so how exactly does one broach the subject so fluidly as to not alarm anyone?

And even if the dumb-shit girl does say - with wide eyes - "No! What's a donkey punch?" Even the dumbest, most adventurous, most "hardcore" girl would probably say, "Hmm... that's not for me."

Of course, that's not taking into account the angel dust or meth you're going to smoke. Once a girl has had a hit of the good shit, they're down for anything while they're being video taped and screamed at by some friends.

At this point, it's rape, (Don't argue, frat boys.) so, you might as well give her a haymaker to the back of the noggin.

Anyway, despite the fact that I haven't seen the movie, I don't want to give away any more spoilers. I'll instead turn my attention to the press surrounding the film.

Empire calls Donkey Punch - and I quote - "The sexiest most shocking film of the year." Wow.

Here's the official website. Wow. Don't click on that at work. Just... wow. I can't wait for this to hit American soil. It's going to be a shit show.