Ducked Up Tales

This is just twisted. TWISTED! I say! I couldn't not post this. [Via Best Week Ever]



The thing about this video is that it combines fond memories from my childhood with sexual predators.

I really don't know what else to say about this... Remember GizmoDuck? He first appeared in the Super Duck Tales movie and would say "Blathering blatherskite." I had no idea "blatherskite" was a real word. A blatherskite is a "babbling foolish person."

Ugh - need sleep.

Saturday's UFC 81 Is Big Night For The Future Of The UFC (Probably)

UFC 81 is this weekend and it's a big card.

By big of course I'm talking about the two main events: The interim Heavyweight Title bought between former champ Tim Sylvia and Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira and the UFC debut of Brock Lesnar against former champ Frank Mir.

As any UFC fan knows, the big guys can be a little, um...boring if there isn't a big bloody knockout in the first 2 minutes. The most recent heavyweight example of this was Tim Sylvia souring the return of Brandon Vera by leaning on him for 15 minutes - a fight that almost led to me breaking my roommate's flat screen.

Hopefully, this weekend will be different. I'll talk more about Sylvia further down, but let's focus on Brock Lesnar. Some residents *cough* Michael David Smith *cough* of the blogosphere have opined that any success by Lesner in the UFC will hurt the organization because Lesnar is "rooted" in the Professional Wrestling world. (And another example)

I personally think that's an asinine statement. The argument MDS is trying to make is that having a former professional wrestler become successful in MMA will almost de-legitimize the sport: people will start to blur the lines and think that MMA is, well, kind of fake.

One of his posts was met with this comment:

Lastly, if you want to be associated with the WWE, then how long before these fights are predetermined the day before the match? Just like they did with Nascar, they will screww up a great sport.

See, idiots like the guy who came up with that comment, the UFC does not need. Use your heads people.

If anything hurt the UFC, it was the tremendous event that was UFC 80. The entire card was too good. As I said the day after it aired - it was the greatest top to bottom UFC event in the history of the sport. Only two of the nine UFC 80 fights went the distance and one was a classic slug fest between Paul Kelly and Paul Taylor.

I'm hoping for Lesnar's sucess - and he most likely will succeed this weekend if for no other reason than to see what MDS has to say about it.

Moving on to Tim Sylvia...

He's probably the most frustrating fighter in MMA. He's massive and fun to root against. He even sleeps with his belt. (In a different way than we've ever heard on a UFC broadcast.)

Love him or - more than likely - hate him, Tim Sylvia is going to be a major part of the title picture for the foreseeable future no matter what happens Saturday night. Well, if you aren't a big fan of "The Maine-iac" here's something that will either make you hate him more or kind of like the big lug.



Apparently, Sylvia isn't the only MMA guy to have appeared on Blind Date. Josh Thomson, Tiki Ghosn and Pete Spratt have all looked for love on late night television. God, Blind Date is a great flippin' show.

[Hat tip to Lance Martini of Film Drunk for the Sylvia video]
[And Xmas Ape at With Leather for the disturbing Sylvia piece...heh heh "piece"]

Update/Edit:

Upstate Underdog made a good point in the comments that I omitted.

I thought it would be unnecessary to bog down people's minds with statistics like:

106-5 career D-1 record
2-time NCAA All-American
2-time Big Ten Champion
2000 NCAA heavyweight champion

It's just that I found it trivial considering the number of other UFC stars were also collegiate wrestlers: Randy Couture, Chuck Liddell, Quinton Jackson, Dan Henderson, Matt Hughes, Josh Koscheck, Jon Fitch, Diego Sanchez, Rashad Evans, Tito Ortiz, Clay Guida, Keith Jardine, Roger Huerta, Jake O’Brien, Frankie Edgar, Matt Hamill, Brandon Vera, Gray Maynard - to name a couple.

But I guess none of that matters if you spend your first few years out of college making your living doing something outside traditional sports, no matter how athletically gifted you have to be to actually do something like be a professional wrestler.

Happy Birthday, CRM

Did I mention that Cousins of Ron Mexico is 1-year-old, today?

It's true. It's been one whole year since the first pathetic excuse for a post.

Honestly, I'm kind of proud of myself for keeping this thing going. Truth be told, when I started this I fully expected to walk away from it after a week or two. Somehow, I didn't as evident by my typing this here, now.

The Mitchell Report sullied our heroes. Et tu, Roger Clemens? (Just kidding - FUCK Roger Clemens)

The Sex Cannon's fall from grace.

In the time I've been writing this blog Pacman (and MOE) made it rain.

We were introduced to the RST boys. (They've got a new song/video coming in a month or so.)

We were re-introduced to Christine Lakin. Again. And again. And again and again and....

Michael Vick - the namesake of this blog - killed some puppies.

American Gladiators returned.

Brady Quinn showed us his love of dance.

I learned to photoshop - for better or worse.

Lauren came back after a year in England.

And I visited her.

We were introduced to the Fantasy Team Savior - Purple Jesus.

Fuck you David Chase.

I got a weekend job.

And with the last one, I'll start the thank yous.

Lauren for being herself - both in America and abroad - and not getting upset when I think up the lamest excuses to post pictures of hot girls. It's gotta be tough to be a blogger WAG.

TBL obviously has played a huge part in what little growth this blog has enjoyed. And he now trusts me with his site on the weekends which is a brave thing for anyone to do - Even I questioned his decision.

JC - Scott Van Pelt Style or any of the other 35 blogs Jarrett Carter wants to be identified by - My original serial commenter who deserves more than the crickets most of the comment sections respond with.

Everyone that has followed me here from my comments on other blogs - you know who you are.

Everyone on the blogroll for writing kick ass blogs that I can steal from. (And then credit of course)

Marv, Kyle, Chris, Pat, Slobadow, Chri$tian, Orson and everybody else from the card games that never happen anymore. The card games lead to e-mailing links, which finally turned into this blog.

So thanks again to everyone who is reading this. Hopefully, someday I can take this blog corporate and never have to work a real days work again. Remember - YOU can make it happen!

Stuff That May Or May Not Have Occured To Me As I Drove To Work This Morning

I fell down some steps yesterday. Hurt like a mofo. Now my knee is sore and it feels like I got punched in the ass. (Not in the fun way either. I've said too much.) I'm limping around here like Gregory House.

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Since I got my iPod for Christmas I haven't listened to the radio much - especially on the ride to work. I didn't realize it until I flipped from Mike & Mike to Free Beer and Hot Wings this morning and realized it was the first time I'd heard their voices since before Christmas. The moment could have been considered nostalgic if it had been longer than a month since I'd listened to them and they weren't discussing wiping habits.

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I can't be the only one who thinks Junior Seau looks like an old lesbian in this picture, right?I am? Okay, forget I said anything.

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Man, it's cold in here. I got to tell you, I'm freezing at Pee Wee Hockey. Hopefully, help is on the way.

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From the posts that never materialized category:

I had to put this on the blog or I'd forget it myself: UFC Fight Night 12 takes place this evening.

Wow! Watch out Joe Rogan! I'm coming for your job!

What a tool. The great part is that I actually saved that one thought like it was so freaking profound I'd never get to that level of consciousness again.

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Big news: I've made it to Dave Lozo's [Why Don't We Get Drunk And Blog?] blogroll.

If you look, you'll notice it's set up like an AP Poll with a Top 25 and then a list of blogs that also received votes. (That's me!) Now, I don't know if Lozo actually fills out a bunch of ballots or just makes those numbers up, (Just like the BCS - ZING!) but it's always an honor to get nominated. (Take that notion and straddle it Juno)

Notice the #1 blog is The Big Lead. I write for TBL, so I'm kind of the number 1 blog! What a honor. I'm going to go have a celebratory drink - what do you mean it's only 8 in the morning? Don't judge me, monkey.

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Finally, it appears that Rudy Guliani is set to drop out of the race to the White House. You know what that means - Ron Paul is a sexual assault claim (Come on Huckabee - that intern is just asking for it) and a horrific bus accident away from being the number 2 Republican going into Super Tuesday. Good odds for any Spartan.

The Lost Mannings

This is a special post for everybody that went to college with me. The picture originated in this awful piece about what a little girl Eli Manning is at heart. The gist is made up in this quote I made up:

When Peyton and Cooper were out playing sports, Eli was wearing a pink apron baking cookies with his mom and talking about what boys he thought were cute in his class.

Yup, that's a Super Bowl quarterback.

Stuff I've Meant To Write In The Last Two Weeks, But Ultimately Haven't: Part 1

So….I’ve seen some nutty shit in the last few days (Hmm. There’s got to be a better way to say that.) I’ve seen some crazy stuff lately. (Much better!) Some of these wacky events I started writing about - very briefly, as you'll see - and never finished. If nothing else, it's an opportunity for me to rip on me. Lord knows I deserve it.

I have no idea where I saw this, but I remember being…put off.

This week's issue of Sports Illustrated -- the one with Brett Favre setting up to pass, a snowstorm camouflaging him, and the words "Totally Cool'' ribboned across the cover -- arrived at the biggest newsstand in Green Bay, Bosse's Newsstand and Smoke Shop, on Thursday at around 8 a.m. A crowd stretching around the block waited, some arriving at 6 a.m., for the 1,000 copies to arrive, and when they did, the deliveryman had a police escort into the store, and some fans chanted, "Go, Pack Go!'' It took about two hours for the magazines to sell out. The store had to turn about 100 people away.

Really?

Really? Ugh. What can be said about this? What type of deviant fan do you have to be to line up for a copy of Sports Illustrated 2 hours before a store opens? Rereading this now makes me glad the Packers lost.


I wish I had the addresses of each of the 1,000 or so people who were waiting in line that morning so I could send them Favre’s NFC Championship game stats once a week for a least a year.

Suuuuuuuure….it might get a little expensive, but I’ve got a job right? If I’m not buying flowers for Lauren with my money I might as well be sending envelopes stuffed with 19/35, 236 yards, 2 touchdowns and 2 interceptions to dumbass Packers’ fans. Hell, I’d probably put the 2 interceptions in bold like that. Pretty vindictive, huh?

These are probably the same people who sat in line waiting to see Meet The Spartans while There Will Be Blood shows in a half-empty theater down the hall. Stupid fucking Americans.