Simon Sez This Movie Sucks

So there I am on a normal Friday morning watching some television when all of a sudden...



I found this gem on HBO. Regular HBO mind you - Not HBO Zone. Or HBO Signature, but regular HBO.

I was initially drawn in by...

WTF?

Hold on. While I was writing that I looked up at the television and realized that Rodman and Cook were in a car that flew off a cliff. Doesn't sound so bad does it? Well, as the car started to plummet - possibly riding the world of Dane Cook - a parachute opened up and they floated to safety. I swear you couldn't even tell there was a green screen. (Oh, yeah - sorry for getting your hopes up about the whole Dane Cook falling to his death thing.)

...anyway. Like I was saying, I was initially drawn into the film by this lady: This is Natalie Cigliuti. If you kind of remember her from a part of your childhood that you tried to forget, it's because she played Lindsay in Saved by the Bell: The New Class. *shudders*

I mentioned this movie was horrible right? In fact its #51 on the IMDB bottom 100 bad. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go have parachutes installed in my car.

Update: There is now a quicksand involved.

Update 2: Don't judge me for watching this.

Update 3: The film also features former supermodel Emma Sjoberg. Sjoberg's photos tend to run on the NSFW-side so Google with caution. Your bosses shouldn't have any issues with this one of her and The Worm though.

PINKS Is On Tonight (Yay!)

Does anyone remember this post?

Well, the day has arrived. Tonight, on SPEEDtv - PINKS! Lebanon Valley Something Something! I have no idea where to put emphasis on ANY of These words? Well the night has come:



From the looks of it there will be much more drama than I witnessed through my beer goggles. Also, I didn't see them complaining about the cold once in that entire commercial. Show-offs.

Here's a clip I found on the YouTubes from that frightfully cold night last October:


Yes, that is a jet-powered ATV. It's completely unnecessary! This ridiculously pointless machine provided what little heat we had that night. I tried to find myself in the video, but couldn't pick out my big head, so I doubt you can either.

Tonight! 9pm! SPEEDtv! Time Warner Cable channel 665!

Happy St. Patrick's Day From Troy O'Leary

Happy St. Patty's Day to you all. Troy O'Leary was scheduled to be here today, but can't appear because he's visibly intoxicated. While you wait for the greatest baseball-playing, black-Irishmen ever to sober up, feel free to sample today's entry over at The Big Lead.