April Madness!

Guess what? This little blog has been included in a tournament!

The good news is I think I can win it.

The bad news is that it's the Suckiest Sports Blogs That Ever Sucked Tournament, Sponsored By Aeropostale. I (dis)like my chances here. How about a sexy picture? Yeah, that doesn't suck.

I have to figure out how the hell I'm going to not win this. Damn you, Dave Lozo!

Houston Alexander Has Quick Fights

Here's what I wrote this afternoon over at The Big Lead:

Tonight marks the return of Houston Alexander who seemed like he was on the fast track to a light-heavyweight title shot before he was derailed by Thiago Silva back in November. The Omaha DJ’s three UFC fights have lasted just over 5 minutes combined.

Well...

Of course I missed the beginning of Fight Night 13. Then, like a fool, I flip over to MMAjunkie.com and for some reason I checked out their Live Results thread. That's when I saw it:

James Irvin def. Houston Alexander via TKO (punches) -- Round 1, 0:08.

What?

James Irvin def. Houston Alexander via TKO (punches) -- Round 1, 0:08.

Huh?

James Irvin def. Houston Alexander via TKO (punches) -- Round 1, 0:08.

How do they show results? Does that mean there was only 8 seconds left in the first round?

Irvin instantly connects on a right-handed Superman punch and drops Alexander to the mat. The bout is instantly stopped, though Alexander protests the stoppage.

At this point I immediately hit "Start Over" on my cable box.

I sat and listened to the introductions all the while knowing what was coming. "It's going to be a stand up battle" or something like that. Then...

Whoops!

Just like the Rampage - Liddell fight. Irvin hit Alexander on the button and he went down. Alexander was limp and that was that. Tied for the fastest knockout in UFC history. Needless to say, that fight won't do any damage to the shorter-than-average average fight times for Houston Alexander.

Semi-Update: Of course MDS had a post up before Alexander hit the mat. Dude - take a nap or something.

Video Game Flashbacks

This afternoon I was sitting in my cube (That's right, people - I have a cubical) listening to the radio online. (WQBK Q103 - home of Free Beer and Hot Wings - to be specific)

I know what you're wondering: Is he going to tell me about hearing Creed twice in one day?

No. Maybe some other time.

Anyway, I was listening to the radio when all of a sudden I hear the opening chords for "Mother" by Danzig. Now, most people would hear this and think "Oh, OK. They're playing Danzig."

Not me though. As soon as I heard the first chord my hands started to move involuntarily. My left hand started to twitch and my arm moved so that it looked like I was a half-assed hitchhiker. My right hand made a weak fist and moved down towards my pocket.

Suddenly I started to hear colors:

Red. Green. Blue. Yellow. Orange.

That's when I realized I was playing Guitar Hero in a crowed office...

Back story: My love affair with GH wasn't that long-lived. When Lauren came home last Fall we played all the time. But that was only for a couple months. We had ripped copies of each version: 1, 2, III, The 80's - you name it, we played it.

Eventually, Lauren's sister got a Nintendo Wii and we refocused our energy on basement bowling and left GH behind. Sure I never moved past the Medium setting (5 buttons was way to hard) but Guitar Hero changed my life.

Whenever I'm driving and hear certain songs, I'm immediately transported back in time and place.

It's terrifying. What if I'm out driving in a snow storm some night when I start flipping through radio stations and Scan myself right into the middle of Metallica's One?

Darkness imprisoning me
All that I see
Absolute horror
I cannot live
I cannot die
Trapped in myself
Body my holding cell

Landmine has taken my sight
Taken my speech
Taken my hearing
Taken my arms
Taken my legs
Taken my soul
Left me with life in hell

At this point, solo number 74 kicks in, I freak the shit and crash into a snow plow.

Now, I don't read a lot of medical journals, but I'm pretty sure they'd need Gregory House to figure out why the hell this coma-guy keeps head-banging.

It's scary stuff, man. And that's why video games are bad for you.

"Shake Hands With The Pins"

That's how my friend Brian taught me to throw an effective hook with a bowling ball. When you roll, you just shake hands with the pins.

I was writing a post for The Big Lead and I wanted to end with that reference, but realized that the tens of thousands of people who might read it probably wouldn't get something said between two college kids in Albany, New York more than 4 years ago. Thus, "shake hands with the pins" would probably be lost on the majority of the readership.

(If you came here from TBL to read this, I hope you get it now.)

See, politicians shake hands when they campaign and bowlers shake hands with the pins when they bowl. See how that fits together? Pretty damn clever if you ask me. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go find out if John McCain or Hilary Clinton are any good at jarts.